She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
