Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize