Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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