I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
