Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize