what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
