Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
