in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
