what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
