I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
