You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
