what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
