just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize