I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
