Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
