He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
