i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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