I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
