Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
