Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
