I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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