she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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