i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
