thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
This beer is not sobering me up at all
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
