He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
