How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
