Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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