My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
