After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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