I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
did i walk over a car last night?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
