Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
