My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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