we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
