So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
