Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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