im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
