I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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