I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
ttyl tear gas
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
