Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
