having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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