sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
