you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
