dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
