Having a random hookup so left but love u
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
