We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
