I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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