This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
