I think my vagina is haunted
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
