just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
