if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
