There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
