I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
