my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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