I hope mine doesn't look like that
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
