I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Be still, my beating vagina.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
