I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
