My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize