I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize