I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
