we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
