I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
