I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize