I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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