YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
