so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
