My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
