Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize