The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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