Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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